This was supposed to be my post last night, but I couldn’t get online for a while because our internet was having a few problems. But the lady with the Indian (Sudeb, not Sitting Bull) accent walked me through it and all was well. At that point, I had to email some other people first, and then went to bed.
I digress a lot.
Yesterday I had class at 6pm. I waited on the elevator which never comes because someone upstairs likes to hog it, or have sex in it, or whatever they’re doing that makes it not come downstairs me. So I decide that I’ll just high tail it up the 8th floor. Wow. That’s a lot of steps. I found myself panting and gasping for air. See, I’m not fat, in fact, I’ve been running a lot. But 8 flights of stairs, with each floor containing 30 steps or more…that’s at least 240 steps one way! Not wanting to be late for class, I took off.
I get the 8th floor only to discover that we’re not on the 8th floor, we’re on the seventh! Ah, how stupid of me! Rather than walk all the way back down the hall to the 1.) slow elevator or 2.) stairs down the hall, I decide to exit to the stair case that it just a few doors down. I’ve never noticed this exit before, why not give it a try? When I arrive to the seventh floor, I see this sign. “Emergency door only. Remain locked.” Yeah, so it opens from one side, but not the other.
I’m the other.
270 steps.
I think, ah, I’ll just go back up to the 8th floor and get back in the hall.
300 steps.
What would seem just perfect to find, I’ll give you a hint, it has to do with a locked door. Crap. I know what’s happening, I can just picture my decent down each flight. But I have to try. 6th floor. Locked. 5th floor. Locked. 4th floor. Locked. 3rd floor. Locked. 2nd floor. Locked. 1st floor. Locked. Basement. Locked.
570 steps.
Crap crap crap crap crap! I’m trapped in a stairwell. The only door that could open is the basement door and it will set an alarm if I try. Remember, it’s September 11th, not a day for false alarms and loud noises. So I climb 30 steps up to the first floor. I knock, loudly, for several minutes. No answer. 30 more steps up. Again, I knock. Still no answer. Dang it! I get the same response on the 3rd and 4th floor. I’m trapped like a rat, folks! I’m not going anywhere. Forget returning my over due books, cancel all my meetings. “Honey, I’m gonna be late for dinner.”
690 steps, and climbing. Pun intended
Fortunately I have a cell phone. I dial info, and they give me a wrong number. I Dial info again, they give me the write number. Oh, but as luck would have it, no one answers. I call again, yeah, still they’re not answering their phone. If I want, I can leave a message, someone will probably get it in the morning. At that point I will be soaked in urine and feces, made friends with a volley ball, and who knows what else. I’m not leaving a message. The school doesn’t call me back when I’m at my house, let alone in their stairwell.
6:15 at this point. Over fifteen minutes in solitary confinement and it’s not looking good. I’m prepared to bust through the basement door and cause all sorts of chaos in down town Minneapolis. “Don’t worry, I’m out of the stairwell! You can go back to your offices and dinner dates! Thanks for listening, though!”
810 steps.
I bang on the 1st floor door again, still no answer. I try the 2nd floor again, still no answer.
So I return the basement door.
900 steps.
On the count of three…one, two…Wait, what, did I just hear a noise above me? I run back up to the first floor, nope. 2nd floor, right. 3rd floor..oh oh, yeah, oh it can’t be! Someone cracked it open!!! Free at last, free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last!
It took 990 steps….maybe a few more but I was FREE breathing the artificial air in this high rise building! Ah, the smell of newspaper and burnt burritos from the microwave! I’ve never felt so alive!
I don’t know who the poor sucker was that went into the stairs after I left them, but the door closed behind me. I would have propped it open for them too, but I was late for class.
Oh, and I took the elevator from the 3rd to the 7th floor.
I digress a lot.
Yesterday I had class at 6pm. I waited on the elevator which never comes because someone upstairs likes to hog it, or have sex in it, or whatever they’re doing that makes it not come downstairs me. So I decide that I’ll just high tail it up the 8th floor. Wow. That’s a lot of steps. I found myself panting and gasping for air. See, I’m not fat, in fact, I’ve been running a lot. But 8 flights of stairs, with each floor containing 30 steps or more…that’s at least 240 steps one way! Not wanting to be late for class, I took off.
I get the 8th floor only to discover that we’re not on the 8th floor, we’re on the seventh! Ah, how stupid of me! Rather than walk all the way back down the hall to the 1.) slow elevator or 2.) stairs down the hall, I decide to exit to the stair case that it just a few doors down. I’ve never noticed this exit before, why not give it a try? When I arrive to the seventh floor, I see this sign. “Emergency door only. Remain locked.” Yeah, so it opens from one side, but not the other.
I’m the other.
270 steps.
I think, ah, I’ll just go back up to the 8th floor and get back in the hall.
300 steps.
What would seem just perfect to find, I’ll give you a hint, it has to do with a locked door. Crap. I know what’s happening, I can just picture my decent down each flight. But I have to try. 6th floor. Locked. 5th floor. Locked. 4th floor. Locked. 3rd floor. Locked. 2nd floor. Locked. 1st floor. Locked. Basement. Locked.
570 steps.
Crap crap crap crap crap! I’m trapped in a stairwell. The only door that could open is the basement door and it will set an alarm if I try. Remember, it’s September 11th, not a day for false alarms and loud noises. So I climb 30 steps up to the first floor. I knock, loudly, for several minutes. No answer. 30 more steps up. Again, I knock. Still no answer. Dang it! I get the same response on the 3rd and 4th floor. I’m trapped like a rat, folks! I’m not going anywhere. Forget returning my over due books, cancel all my meetings. “Honey, I’m gonna be late for dinner.”
690 steps, and climbing. Pun intended
Fortunately I have a cell phone. I dial info, and they give me a wrong number. I Dial info again, they give me the write number. Oh, but as luck would have it, no one answers. I call again, yeah, still they’re not answering their phone. If I want, I can leave a message, someone will probably get it in the morning. At that point I will be soaked in urine and feces, made friends with a volley ball, and who knows what else. I’m not leaving a message. The school doesn’t call me back when I’m at my house, let alone in their stairwell.
6:15 at this point. Over fifteen minutes in solitary confinement and it’s not looking good. I’m prepared to bust through the basement door and cause all sorts of chaos in down town Minneapolis. “Don’t worry, I’m out of the stairwell! You can go back to your offices and dinner dates! Thanks for listening, though!”
810 steps.
I bang on the 1st floor door again, still no answer. I try the 2nd floor again, still no answer.
So I return the basement door.
900 steps.
On the count of three…one, two…Wait, what, did I just hear a noise above me? I run back up to the first floor, nope. 2nd floor, right. 3rd floor..oh oh, yeah, oh it can’t be! Someone cracked it open!!! Free at last, free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last!
It took 990 steps….maybe a few more but I was FREE breathing the artificial air in this high rise building! Ah, the smell of newspaper and burnt burritos from the microwave! I’ve never felt so alive!
I don’t know who the poor sucker was that went into the stairs after I left them, but the door closed behind me. I would have propped it open for them too, but I was late for class.
Oh, and I took the elevator from the 3rd to the 7th floor.
posted by Mike at 9/12/2003 06:09:00 PM
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