Deanna is interning at a nursing home this summer and tonight we were talking about people getting old and maybe what life is like at an old age. At any rate, because I starting thinking about old people I’ve also begun thinking about my own death and I’ve come to a few conclusions that you might find startling. Rather than continue with this mindless babble, I’ll dispense with my conclusions.
If I avoid fatal accidents in my life and if God does not kick in His rapture and I am afforded the opportunity to live into a ripe old age, I believe that I will die in June of 2064 making me 86, just a month from turning 87. Wait, what? Where did that number come from? Why 2067 you may ask, and how come specifically in June of 2067? Let me be brief with explanation.
My Grandpa Womack died when he was 78 caused by complications from years upon years of smoking. My Grandma Womack died when she was 83, almost 84. My other grandpa died when my mom was four so it’s weird even typing “my other grandpa” and I have no idea when he died. And my Grandma Clawson wasn’t a very nice grandma and I can’t honestly remember how old she was although I think she was 78, 82, or 83.
Anyway.
I think I’ll live to see 86 because the average of my grandparents’ lives is about 81. And the way I figure it, medicine will grant me a couple extra years to kick around. So that puts me just out of reach of 87. And I’m not about to go out in a cold month because (1.) I hate cold weather and (2.) I’m a pretty thoughtful guy and don’t want to make people stand outside in winter.
Thus, June 2067.
And if I’m wrong, I figure it like this: If I die too early I go out saying “See, I don’t always procrastinate.” If I live past June 2067 I go out saying, “Hey, at least I exceeded expectations.” And if I die precisely as I predicted I’ll go out with, “See, I told you so. I’m one smart old fart,” because old people are commonly referred to as “farts” and often times it is found to be humorous.
That gives me roughly 22,280 days left on Earth, give or take a leap year and some miscalculations.
That I can live with.
If I avoid fatal accidents in my life and if God does not kick in His rapture and I am afforded the opportunity to live into a ripe old age, I believe that I will die in June of 2064 making me 86, just a month from turning 87. Wait, what? Where did that number come from? Why 2067 you may ask, and how come specifically in June of 2067? Let me be brief with explanation.
My Grandpa Womack died when he was 78 caused by complications from years upon years of smoking. My Grandma Womack died when she was 83, almost 84. My other grandpa died when my mom was four so it’s weird even typing “my other grandpa” and I have no idea when he died. And my Grandma Clawson wasn’t a very nice grandma and I can’t honestly remember how old she was although I think she was 78, 82, or 83.
Anyway.
I think I’ll live to see 86 because the average of my grandparents’ lives is about 81. And the way I figure it, medicine will grant me a couple extra years to kick around. So that puts me just out of reach of 87. And I’m not about to go out in a cold month because (1.) I hate cold weather and (2.) I’m a pretty thoughtful guy and don’t want to make people stand outside in winter.
Thus, June 2067.
And if I’m wrong, I figure it like this: If I die too early I go out saying “See, I don’t always procrastinate.” If I live past June 2067 I go out saying, “Hey, at least I exceeded expectations.” And if I die precisely as I predicted I’ll go out with, “See, I told you so. I’m one smart old fart,” because old people are commonly referred to as “farts” and often times it is found to be humorous.
That gives me roughly 22,280 days left on Earth, give or take a leap year and some miscalculations.
That I can live with.
posted by Mike at 7/18/2006 12:15:00 AM
6 Comments:
FIRST!!!!
Yeah, I got nothing.
Except that I'm still anonymous b/c I'm not going to sign up for this fucking blogspot bullshit.
Why don't you click "Other" and then type in your name and your xanga page. Ah snap.
That seems alot harder than just clicking on anonymous.
Anonymous, don't be lazy. Come on, anonymous.
Also, speaking of medicine granting you a few extra years of life, there have been predictions made that life-extending medicine is on the verge of some big breakthroughs. "They" even say that they believe the first child (since pre-flood times) to live to 1000 years old has already been born.
I agree, Anonymous. Show your face.
Who wants to live to 1000. I sure don't. 2067 is just a few years after Al Gore is predicting a world disaster, which I wouldn't mind avoiding.
I will not, could not, eat them on a boat.
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